yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
