saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
