When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
