your thong is hanging out like whoa
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
