How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
