he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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