and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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