My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
