i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
