They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
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I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
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Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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