the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We are all done wearing pants today
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
