We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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