Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
