Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
