I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
