wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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