i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
