My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
