I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize