I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
