the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
