I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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