insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize