So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
