The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
