Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm always down for nudity.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
