YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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