Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
