my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
