Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
