im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
