i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
