i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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