what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
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