where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
