Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
