Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
