I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
