Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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