My underwear smells like fireworks.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
