Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This is my gift to your gina
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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