Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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