I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
