Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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