What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
