im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
