It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
