i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
