The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
