Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
