Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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