I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
