I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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