you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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