He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
