she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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