Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
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she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
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i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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