Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
