he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
