Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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