i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
