Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
